Let me clear this up!

Look- By now, you've seen the headlines- you have seen the vicious smear campaign about my recent bathroom "arrest" and I want to clear this matter up, once and for all.

The Megabrad is NOT GAY. I am like Major MegaHetero, yo. Straight Pimpin and shit, got it? Okay, now that we got that established, allow me to explain how the Seattle police misunderstood what was going on late Thursday night in the Space needle's restroom...

I know, it has been "Reported" by the "Media" that I denied everything at first. That was what a smart guy does, right? Deny everything. That's what every lawyer I've ever had told me. So when I said I wasn't at the Space Needle at all, that was just intelligent denial. So here's the deal, me and the boys had a few drinks and headed over to the Needle, you know, lookie for hippies asses to kick and maybe go to the top of the Needle and genuflect about 9-11, and, you know, shit.

I just happened to need to take a whiz cuz of a bladder issue I've had since birth. So the camera recording me going in and out of the bathroom twelve times makes total sense, when you know that! I had drank a sixer of Sam Adams and had to go, nothing weird about that, right?

The above pic IS Me, I know I denied it at first, but hey- LEGAL issues prevented me from admitting it at the time. And I did, look thru the uh gloryhole thing, but that was only an accident because I was trying to read the fine print on some really funny stall graffiti - "Here I sit, all right wing retarded..." when out of the blue- the man in the next stall started doing something strange...

I thought he might be having a heart attack or something, and megaguy that I am, I asked him if I could help.

The transcript sounds bad, in retrospect, but it was totally innocent and appropriate at the time.

The media's report of "Hey, love a strokin, hairy?" is of course, liberal fabrications meant to take down the Megabradster. What I actually said was: "Hey, have a stroke in there?"

And of course when the police showed up, of course they didnt pay attention to the man who might be dying in the other stall- they grabbed me up like some kind of criminal and tackled me to the floor. Which was kind of cool- because you know how I support law enforcement.

So, it's all a big misunderstanding, you see? Of course, you guys understand how the liberal media gets all psycho on us Americans patriots, right? I appreciate the support. In fact, tonight I'm getting everyone together at the local watering hole to drum up some money for my legal defense fund at the Blue Oyster bar downtown. You guys are all welcome to come hang out.

So again- the Media's report was all lies, as you know. I am not Gay. And the two other men that came forward are obviously plants from the conspiracy. And I ALWAYS carry my portable drill with me, doesn't everyone? I'm just a tool kinda guy, you know.